Over the course of the last 9 months I gained a whopping 15 lbs on my 5'3" frame. I always had an easy time of losing weight in the past (given I truly applied myself) so I worked out a bit more and ate a bit less. Nothing came off. Then I changed my meds .... still nothing. Then I got tested for thyroid issues .... nope, no weight is coming off of these bones. Then I spent 8 weeks on sparkpeople.com dieting, obsessing over counting calories, and working out. I consumed slightly less than their plan and worked out slightly more - being an overachiever and all. After 8 weeks, I lost 3 lbs. Really not worth the trade off.
After a couple of weeks of feeling really bad about myself, I made the following decision:
This is what 32 years old looks like.
I think this is just nature calling and what's the use fighting it? I resolve to exercise 3-4 times a week and eat healthy but enjoy the food I eat - even if that means having fondue once a month.
So there you have it, people. I am no longer a twig and nor will I ever be again (short of a terrible illness ... no thank you). But that's ok because if you turn your focus away from television and glossy magazines and towards the really important things in life, towards your real treasure - you will find that it has nothing to do with being thin and more to do with being healthy and enjoying life.
Its just not worth the cost of exercising and dieting to the point that this 32 year old has the body of 22 year old in exchange for the time with my kids or bible studies (which sounds dorky but they are really enriching!) or taking some off of eating healthy so I can go out to eat with friends. You see the trend.... relationships. Are my relationships affected by the fluff around my middle? No. But they were a little strained by my OCD attitude towards dropping it. So if the weight doesn't drop off - at least my poor body image can go suck an egg.
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All of this is well and good until the dreaded Party City Halloween Costume catalog was sent to my house. Why is everything slutty? Slutty nurse, slutty cop, slutty Nascar pit crew person, slutty leiderhosen, slutty pirate, slutty bumblebee. It looks like a stripper catalog (right down to the platform stilettos) (and I mean that in the nicest way towards strippers). Unless I want to dress up as a couch potato - or go to good will and be a hobo - my options are limited outside of slutty _______.
If I lose weight in the future, I won't lie, it would be nice - but it is no longer essential to the way I view myself. As long as I get past Halloween.Here's my latest picture - taken two weeks ago when we went camping:
Note chubby arms and face - and happy smile!
More camping pictures at a later date.
And while you're at it, visit Casey's blog for the like minded fitness and diet aficionado.
And while you're at it, visit Casey's blog for the like minded fitness and diet aficionado.
12 comments:
Chubby?! I see noting of the sort. You look beautiful. And yes, happy. =)
I agree with Cassie! If you are exercising and eating right, you are doing more than a lot of us!
Oh god, you are NOT chubby. Shut up. Yup, I told you to shut up. I always wondered why you were on board with HASAY anyways since you're a skinny minnie. I dig your new attitude and I couldn't agree more. I've been making some extra time for myself to hit the gym and I really do feel better about myself for doing it but I ALSO haven't changed my eating habits much. Food is just too yummy.
Oh, and Jamie and I had the whole "all female costumes are slutty" conversation last week at Party City. I dunno when that happened, where was I?
chubby where? healthy is the goal yet?not thin, thin wont help you if you are sick, no stock on the shelves? not good!
Amen. Seriously. I mean, I know I have some work to do on myself. Years of disordered eating and guilt/food issues means this has been a longtime battle for me, but I'm hoping to reach the day when these matters aren't the forefront of my thoughts. I have more important, more interesting things to think of than my thighs, and I don't really want my legacy to be counting calories rather than counting time with my family.
That smile of yours, btw? Looks like the kind you'd find on a very happy, very confidant woman. Beautiful!
It's a wonderful thing to get older and you look fabulous!
You know, now that you stop killing yourself to drop weight, it will just melt off. ha ha ha.
I agree, bodies change when they hit 30. Lucky for you, you're naturally adorable, so who cares about an extra few pounds!
Have you sen the new Batman game for PS3? Joker's girlfriend looks like a complete tramp. I think that's how I'm dressing up this year. That, or the shower curtain gettup from the Karate Kid.
It's just more to love thats all!
So, in Target they have some super cute non-slutty costumes. There was this one that looked cute: a flapper lady bug costume. You should take a gander at your local Target for cute not slutty costumes!
I don't see anything chubby either!
And yes, I totally agree, "slutty" is not a costume! I'm going as a non-slutty flapper.
I am so with you! I've gradually moved in to acceptance vs. constantly obsessing and hating my body. I've birthed four kids, I'm in my thirties, do I really want to fit in a size five again if it means becoming a joyless, hungry miser.
You look wonderful and the slutty section of the Party City catalog irks me too. When did Halloween stop being about the grotesque and frightening and start being about showing off your "ass-ets"?
Happy smile means something right? I have the same problem, but I noticed that if I do actually put effort into exercising, I do tone up.
We can only do what we can do.
I do have thyroid issues and the meds must not be adjusted right yet because I'm right where I was when they first diagnosed me six months ago. Sometimes it makes me want to cry. I can't get the weight to go anywhere. I'm even shorter than you so I'm not sure this is what 32 should look like for me, but it is what it is right now and I have to be as happy as I can, even if the weight doesn't come off.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
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