Thursday, January 15, 2009

Spin Cycle: What if ... ?

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My husband was born and raised in France by American parents. What does this mean? This means that he has a french attitude and an American accent. This means that his favorite midnight snack is brie and baguette. This also means that I tease him endlessly. My favorite one liner is when my husband, brilliant as he is, thinks he has all the answers to any impossible topic and I retort, "oh, i guess you know that for a fact because you grew up in France!"

With this week's Spin Cycle topic, "What if...?" I wondered...

What if the French won the French and Indian War?

(click here if you've forgotten about it in all the years since sixth grade history class)

First and foremost, Mesdames et Messieurs, we would all be parlaying Francais.

The pilgrims would have been overwhelmed by catholic-hedonists or worse yet, catholic-atheists (how in the world do they reconcile that?).

Soccer would be Football

Applebee's would serve cheese fondue instead of cheeseburgers.

Instead of grocery stores, we would have open air markets and boulangeries.

We would have 6 political parties battling it out at election time instead of 2 (yes, we have two - this is painfully obvious to anyone who prefers candidates of a party outside of Democrats or Republicans).

It would be necessary to learn foreign languages in our school system.

The date would be written differently: 15/01/2009

All of our beaches would be topless.

Journalists won't bother to write about infidelity in the marriages of politicians, and if they do - clearly, the politician's career will not be affected.

James Taylor may not have been popular at all, especially up against the likes of Francis Cabrel.

The VW Bug would considered be a mid-size sedan.

There would be a LOT more nudity in advertising.

When approached with bad news of any kind, the first response you might have is either, "bien sur" (as in, of course I expected my house to burn down today) or "et alors" (as in, so what my husband bought his secretary a $500 purse?) prior to reality setting in.

Health care would be a non-issue; it would be socialist and it would suck but no one would care - unless they were sick.

We would invest millions of dollars in art museums rather than futile wars.

We would see the Québécois as totally justified in their constant efforts to become a soveriegn nation.

And, my favorite, meals would be considered art: gastronomie.

7 comments:

Sprite's Keeper said...

I am not allowed to play favorites, but I LOVE THIS SPIN! Very well done! Creative, cumulative, and mmmmm, cheese. Uh, sorry.
Linked!

Brandon said...

"French" husband here - this marks my very first comment on the wife's blog. Nicely done, I especially appreciated the "brilliant as he is" part. I must add that the only reason you have such a wide breadth of knowledge on the French is BECAUSE I GREW UP IN FRANCE! Put that on your baguette and spread it :-)

D.M. Wright said...

Very well thought out! I am jealous that your husband has commented! Mine barely reads my blog!

Pearl said...

It just concerns me that James Taylor would not have any popularity. That would truly be a sad day for many.

Krista P said...

You're so witty!

Casey said...

I could totally get used to cheese fondue. In fact, I think I'll start adding it to my meals.
I can't believe your husband grew up in France but kept an American accent, how strange! Great spin..

Fantastic Forrest said...

Vive la France!

This has convinced me. I am going to make Professor X apply to teach in French universities for his sabbatical.

Love that gastronomie and the multi-party politics.